Yuku free message boards

So today while I was applying for my degree for this fall I was told I could not graduate. I got a C in chemistry last semester and apparently I needed an A or B. I am smarter than this, better than this.. yet I am watching all of my hopes and dreams and ambitions die. I was already placed on academic probation at my other school.. I cam to this one to try to improve myself and show I was up to the challenge... what kills me is that I know I can do this.. my grades do not reflect my intelligence or ability... but my life is being consumed by this damn ED. I am in a terrible mood right now. I have been working my entire life to be good at school and get where I want to be.. and it is all coming undone and getting blown up in my face because I am more concerned with the number on the scale than with the project due tomorrow... I hate this ED. I hate being controlled by it.. I hate not being able to think about anything except for weight loss and how fat I am. I hate feeling so lost.. like I am drowning... and there is nothing to grab onto... and yet while I write this... in tears and having no idea if I will ever graduate from any college... in the back of my mind I am happy b/c I have not eaten anything today and I lost another pound... what the hell is wrong with me.. my dreams are falling apart, I may never have a good job, I have wasted thousands of dollars and lost valuable friends... and yet I'm a little happy b/c I havent eaten.... I'm trying to hold on.. I think that with any luck maybe the old me will come back.. maybe the girl that busted her ass to get ahead will finally wake up and get sick of watching everything she ever wanted slip right through her fingers b/c she is too busy counting the calories she doesnt eat.